I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Randomize
