Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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