i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
