Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
