Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize