I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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