I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
