Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
