Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize