Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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