Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
