I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
