It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
