If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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