I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
