I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
