It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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