Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
