Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
