Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize