I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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