why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
