You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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