No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
