we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
