i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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