I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
