hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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