This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
