And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
