I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
