I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
