so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
