Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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