I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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