ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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