Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
