I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
