Are we in a gay sports bar?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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