spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
