she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
