dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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