A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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