using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize