I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
