the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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