Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
