You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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