I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
