Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
