Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
