Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you traded sex for a burrito?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
