Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
