Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
