but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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