Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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