Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
