he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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