they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize