Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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