you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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