I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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