i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
