they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
