Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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