Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
