If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
