I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
