please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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