whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize