lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
