I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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