i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
